Bloodbath!

Yesterday on NPR there was yet another economic story about the Wall Street crisis. Another bank going bankrupt, more white people out of work. I’m a fuckin NPR junkie so I stay up on my current events, and currently the only event that’s going on in the world is that a lot of financial institutions are irrevocably screwed. AIG got a federal bailout, Lehman Brothers did not, &c &c &c…

…for those of you who aren’t on that addictive news tip, let me explain a few things about Wall Street and the financial markets right now. Imagine a city, and imagine that Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac are a husband wife pimp team / drug and gun runner Queenpin and Kingpin duo. Now imagine that the US Government is like a semi-crooked law-enforcement collaboration between the ATF and the police vice squad. Then imagine that Bank of America is a Russian mobster with his hands in a lot of money-laundering business. And imagine that every real estate speculator is either a small time dope dealer or a prostitute. Also imagine that Ben Bernanke is a perverted serial killer that gets off on strangling hookers. Then imagine that there’s a blackout of the entire city where this is taking place. Also imagine that everyone’s doing a lot of coke and Walmart’s having a bluelight special on ammo. The financial markets are sorta like that.
Anyway, back to NPR…
What really struck me was the language used in the story. They actually used the words ‘bloodbath‘ and ‘carnage‘ to describe the situation. Maybe I’m too big of a skeptic, and those who know me best will decry my unabashed love of hyperbole when they read this post, but there is a time and place for everything, and I’m not sure that a story about a bank going out of business is the time or the place to get carried away with your Stephen King aspirations.
Let me not seem unsympathetic, I understand that people’s livelihoods are at stake and that a bank’s collapse can mean a substantial amount of misery for a substantial amount of people. But I think that when a news organization that also reports on actual bloodbaths, and very real carnage, it might be off-putting to hear that kind of terminology applied to lots of people in suits cleaning out their offices.
Perhaps we may want to save such strong vocabulary for more intense situations, like say, when I run out of peanut butter, or when I accidentally spill soup on my lap. Seriously I should work for NPR. I could cover cool ass stories.